Any Tips For Dating When Both People Are On The Down Low?
I’m a dude whose recently discovered some bisexual tendencies. I’ve been hooking up with another dude who is bi?gay?, but on the down low as well. Both of us have only told our close friends, no one else really knows.
Are there any dating tips for my situation? First of all I don’t even know how he feels about me, the only thing I’m sure is that I’m pretty attracted to him. If we do end up dating, what things can we do if we’re not fully out yet?
I answered your last question… if the guy was named ‘Jake’
but you can go see a movie– straight guys go together (depending on the movie) and you can hold hands inside
you can go out to dinner and smile at each other
you can go to an arcade, or a fair, or to the zoo, or most things that any other person does….it doesn’t really out you
Just keep the first date low key , a couple of drinks and a meal then possibly a movie
If you are both living alone then you could then perhaps ask him round for a meal at your house
It is quite likely because you are both a bit down that what you are looking for company and to talk through your issues . That may also lead to something physical because maybe you both need the release
As I said play the first outing low key , then just see how things develop . No one else needs to know that you fancy the guy , it is your own business till you choose to make it otherwise . Hope it goes ok for you
if you’re attracted to him physically,i recommend you chill a bit.Dating on the down low is fun cause it gives you an adrenalin rush,which keeps the relationship going. sometimes the minute you guys do date and in the open you might sort of get tired of each other…my advice to you?…understand and know each other before you even creep around.the fact you don’t know how he feels about you should tell you something.
Dating on the DL always involves risk of either of you being found out, especially by your BFs’ significant others. Quite often, the rage of these people will be focused at YOU, not their errant partners, because YOU obviously did something to lure their men away. This has the potential for a LOT of unwanted drama from a lot of people you don’t know.
IMHO dating on the DL is playing with fire and eventually you’ll get burned. I understand the apprehension of coming out (I’m a gay man) and the potential of loss of face, friend’s respect, social standing, the image of masculinity, etc. etc. etc. But as long as you think you have something to lose by coming out, you will never be truly free to pursue and find your true self. Living on the DL means ALWAYS looking over your shoulder, ALWAYS being afraid of what others are saying, ALWAYS having your self-preservation defenses cranked up so high that you can’t really enjoy the time with the person you’re with. And, I’m afraid to tell you, even if you’ve told “only close friends,” there are more people that know. That’s just human nature.
Movies, a casual dinner, a baseball game… these are all things you can engage in without drawing too much attention to yourselves. Kind of consider them “guy dates” (and ALL the social rules of “guy dates” apply here.) These are activities that str8 guys will do in the guise of “bonding” so no holding hands, gazing longingly into each other’s eyes or sharing food. Those types of behaviors will belie an underlying homoerotic relationship.
Obviously, if you both go on vacation together to a place where no one knows you, you can be as out as you want but just remember the rules of “Six Degrees of Separation:” the world is becoming so small that it will take only six people to connect someone at your vacation getaway with someone in your hometown.
While it is a bit of a risk in engaging in dl relationships or sexual relationship, I say it fun and keeps the body and mind going on fire, especially if you guys have things in common you know. I have dated like two men that were on the dl and it was soo much fun. The dating tips I can offer you are or should I say recipe for DL dating
1) NO PDA in any shape or form except maybe few slide comments here like “Dude, that shirt look weird on you(if you are the store)” when honestly, you mean it is sexy on him OR act your normal way u know like if you hate Lakers and he hates Celtics kinda thing.
2) When it is just you guys having dinner, dilute it with a good female or str8 friend, NOT a hag that cant keep her mouth shut or a guy that is obnoxious or loud mouth because there is tendency that if you guys get into a fight, he or she may mess you in the end, your BEST friend can become your WORST enemy, believe, I should know!
3)Always balance the time you spend with each other and your spouse and IF you are the type that likes your wife to know who ur friends are, you can ease her curiousity by just saying you have been friends since childhood and he is married as well BUT make sure she doesnt know too much too by saying he doesnt go out that much and he is very quiet person. NEVER INTRODUCE THE wife to your wife at all!
4)Just have fun and relax because the more tense you are, the more you uncover your tracks.
It is a risky game BUT whats life without risk and we cant all be risk averse you know.